i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
