around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
