Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
