I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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