Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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