dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
