I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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