This is not my ceiling
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
