I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
