So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will be naked everywhere
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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