you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
