I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
