So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
