Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
