You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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