god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
