Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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