Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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