you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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