i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
