I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
