Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
