why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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