my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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