I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
