I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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