Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
