I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
