Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
