Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
