Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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