Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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