He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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