His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
