You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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