Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
