I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
