I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
