I am puke
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
