I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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