i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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