oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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