i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
