You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is wine microwaveable?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
