FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
