On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
