That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
