Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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