Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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