i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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