I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize