I just found a bag of teeth...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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