Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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