Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
