i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
