We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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