I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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