She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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