lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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