I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
