You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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