it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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