shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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