i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We are all done wearing pants today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
