Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
