Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
