I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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