Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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