I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
